Why CEOs Need Brutal Honesty to Grow

Jan de Vries · 2026-11-10

CEOs are human. We have blind spots, just like everyone else. But unlike everyone else, we don’t have a manager. No one gives us performance reviews. No one tells us we’re wrong—or that we could aim higher. Honest feedback is incredibly hard to come by. I’ve learned that there’s always more to learn, and someone with more experience to learn from. But in my own case, I was missing someone to point out what I couldn’t see myself. And the higher you go, the harder that person is to find. At board meetings, I’d hear, “Everything is clear. Keep doing a great job.” It frustrated me. I didn’t feel like I was doing a great job. I knew I could do better. Turns out, I wasn’t alone: nearly two-thirds of CEOs don’t get any outside leadership advice at all, but almost all want it, according to a survey by Stanford and The Miles Group. Without feedback, bad calls go unchallenged and compound for years. At the top, few people are willing to challenge you. So if honest feedback doesn’t come naturally, you have to build a system that provides it. As founders and CEOs, we spend all our time on the company’s biggest challenges, so we have strong views on how to tackle them. That makes it hard to consider others’ perspectives. So when recruiting my next board member, I specifically sought someone who wouldn’t back down until one of us had proved our point. ### How friction builds better businesses At first, I wondered if I’d made a mistake. Preparing for board meetings took longer and demanded more conviction. They often turned into lengthy arguments. Over time, I came to appreciate how those challenges forced me to question my assumptions and think more critically about my decisions. Research from Stanford Graduate School of Business backs this up: constructive dissent helps teams make better decisions than teams where everyone always agrees. But for this to work, you have to be willing to be wrong. That’s why it’s crucial that the challenge comes from someone with relevant experience—someone whose opinion you genuinely respect. A less senior person might make the same argument, but they won’t have the experience of a board member who’s been where you are now. Mine had worked with a similar company and business model, so he knew better than I what was possible and offered solid, well-supported arguments that could convince me. > “The higher you go, the harder it is to find someone who will tell you the truth.” ### Four qualities to look for when hiring a board member to argue back - **Independent thinker**: They don’t follow the crowd or the most senior person in the room unless they genuinely believe it’s the right path. Research by psychologist Charlan Nemeth shows that a genuine dissenter helps a group come up with more creative solutions, while someone playing “devil’s advocate” does no better than having no dissenter at all. So the right person disagrees only when they believe it matters, not just to show they can. - **Experience you respect**: It’s easy to dismiss advice from someone who’s never been in your shoes. Appoint someone you’re genuinely willing to listen to, even when they go against you. They need enough experience in your sector and with your business model to back up their arguments. - **Challenges you from day one**: Hire the person who questions you before they even join the board: Why do you need that? Why do I need that? What happens when we disagree? How will we reach a final decision? If they’re questioning your decisions before you make an offer, they’re proving they can do the job you need. - **Spends time with your team**: If a board member only talks to the CEO, they only see a small part of the company. Look for someone willing to spend time with your team, so they can see the dynamics and culture firsthand. After spending time in our office, my board member gained insights that no report could provide. Building a system for honest feedback isn’t easy, but it’s essential. Without it, you risk steering the ship blind. With it, you create an environment where you—and your business—can truly grow.